When you want to pack your suitcase
with memories long gone
just so you can open them up in your new beginning
and hold on
to what used to make you suffer
and keep you back
at the end of the line
with time it will be just like the old days
and you will end up back where you began.
Instead, start fresh
make new traditions that heal you
and throw away the old you
and forgive those who know you
become a new truth.
The fight will be grueling
constantly battling with the mind
harming the body
losing the spirit —
It’s not all bad.
Because your muscles will tear
it will ache in your bones
it will manifest as darkness in your soul.
Without that, though,
the only way to go
is back up again.
Keep fighting and you will win.
When I choose to feel goodness above evil
When my brain no longer saves up pain
Stored away in the depths of hurt and weakened pieces of tattered ghost-soul
And I listen to what my body needs from me
And I satisfy it with caring…
When you feel like you want to cry when you feel good
Because you are so used to touching fire
And walking on hot coals
It hurts more to feel love from another
Because the happiness aches inside you…
When you want to fold-up into a ball and be fetal and safe
Even though you want to love back
And love yourself enough to accept it
But the overwhelming feeling that you don’t deserve it sneaks up to you
And pushes you down like a boy in the schoolyard
When all you wanted to do was play…
That’s how it feels to love myself.
The water lilies of Monet’s paintings
Are small in comparison to
the love I have for
You had that love too with
and it lives on
in the Adriatic waves.
Sail away but not too far
always come back to shore
as we all wait
to greet you.
in your deepest of heart
we are not a family